I am one of eight siblings from the loins of two beautiful people. My parents were as loving and supportive as they knew how. My brother was fighting his own so-called demons, which turned out to be his key to freedom - being gay. Then considered a deviant, he was finally able to start on the path of freedom and discovery that would not chain him to servitude to a death cult, known as religion - but I remained behind. I loved God and fell in love with the whole idea of a “family of God,” one eternal, loving presence, enveloping us all. As my musical talents began to blossom, I quickly became the church pianist and organist.
I started dating a woman who attended my church. She started in the church orchestra playing the accordion, and then moved onto organ. Hormones were raging and we decided to get married. My gay brother was my best man, and he tried to talk me out of it the whole time we prepared for the wedding. He said he saw something brewing in me, something that had been quieted by all the active religious lifestyle. We went on with the wedding, as planned and honeymooned in the Pocono Mountains.
As time went on, my desires for the same sex came back, as it had been continually quieted through prayer and ignoring my desire as this would surely ruin any hope of a long-term career in the church I so loved and gave my whole life for. My times as an adult, would find me on off days, shopping in the stores to buy those feminine garments that let my feminine mind go free. My wife noticed that some of her undergarments were “stretched” out, to which I quickly denied anything to do with that. It was a time of terrible uncertainty. Could I continue the ruse? The real question was, “do I WANT to continue the ruse any longer?” I prayed and prayed and God did not answer. No one came to aid my aching heart, knowing that my family was about to be broken up for just answering the call of reality in my life. I decided it was for the best of all of us, to answer that call, so I did.
I left my family and moved in with my new boyfriend. I thought that being gay would allow me to spread my wings and it did, but only sexually. It was time to make official, and address what I had always known inside. I am a transgender person.
In conclusion, I have no doubt I have been around the world both logistically and socially. From a supposed boy at birth, to a socially acceptable heterosexual lifestyle, to a gay (homosexual) lifestyle and finally blossoming into the beauty of a transsexual woman, my full being - a potential I am now just beginning to realize!